Excuses or It Wouldn't Have Been Worth Reading Anyway

I love to Blog
and thats a fact
Then where have you been, you might ask

Traveled before
Cut time in half
Didn't even have time to unpack

House got cleaned
and cookies baked
Family was coming to celebrate

The lists were made
The money tight
Stores were open late each night

Found Gifts for her
and gifts for him
Got shiny paper to wrap them in

Crowds were terrific
My feet really ached
Couldn't remember to buy Scotch tape

The lines were long
The sales weren't great
Just 10% and I still had to wait

Buckets of Red
and Bells that rang
Forgot to bring some cash again

Hugs and Kisses
Hellos, Goodbyes
Everyone made it to my surprise

No time to write
No time to sit
Thats my excuse and I sticking to it

The Great Chucker Chase

                Our Game Bird License covered all Game Birds so besides raising several types of quail we also tried raising Chucker partridge.  They were beautiful grey and black birds with red legs.  Larger than the quail, they were more expensive to feed and hard to keep.  When they failed to breed for us we decided to keep them to show at the county fair and named them Romeo and Juliet.

                One day I was carrying a large feeder into the pen and Juliet got out.  Chuckers prefer running to flying when hunted and only fly in short low bursts.  True to form she took off running across the street with the entire family in hot pursuit.  We must have been a sight running around the block with a large fish net.  Finally Juliet took off, clearing a small tree and landing on the roof of a house one block over.  We all just stood there looking up at the roof.  We didn’t know the owners of the house and they didn’t seem to be home so we debated the penalty for climbing on someone’s roof without their permission. 

                My husband suddenly said he had an idea and disappeared down the street towards home.  When he came back he was carrying a double sided cage with Romeo in it.  He set it down on the front lawn with the empty side open and told everyone to be quiet.  Just then the homeowners drove up to see my entire family holding vigil in their front yard.  Needless to say it was a little awkward to explain but they seemed more amused than upset when they saw Juliet on their roof.  We all stood silently and waited.  Unbelievably Romeo started to call and Juliet answered.  She launched herself from the roof straight toward the cage.  She walked right in happy to be near Romeo again and we quickly shut the door behind her.  I will never forget that devoted pair and I don’t think our neighbors will either.

Journey

When I realized my fate

I fell at Your feet to receive Your Grace

When I accepted my new estate

I approached Your throne to seek Your Face

In my hour of pain on my knees I cried

And I felt You by my side

When I reach for You when my life is done

You will take my hand and lead my home

Mine all Mine

While I was waiting to go into the delivery room to give birth to my daughter I shared a room with a teenage mom to be.  She was very young, alone and terrified.  No one had come to see her all day.  When my husband left to get some lunch I finally had a chance to talk to her.  She said her name was Marie but didn’t say anything else about her personal life.  I asked if someone was coming to be with her when the baby was born but she said no.

When my husband returned he said that he had picked up the pictures at the drug store while he was out.  I was very excited because they were from a roll of film that I found in my drawer and I didn’t know how old they were or even where they were taken.  It was a fun surprise to see pictures of my first apartment and my little cat Mina.  My husband asked why I named the cat Mina and I told him that roughly translated from Polish t it meant “mine”.   She was the very first cat that I had owned by myself and she traveled all over the west with me.   I told him that it was nice to have someone to love, even if it was a cat, during a very lonely time in my life.  He laughed and said that he was happy to replace the cat.

Marie and I actually had our daughters at almost the same time, the middle of the night.  We ended up near each other in recovery and between drifting off to sleep and the excitement of first pictures the nurse came around to ask if we had already chosen names. I told her the name that my husband and I had picked out.  When it was Marie’s turn she looked at me and smiled and turned to the nurse and said that her daughter’s name was Mina Marie. 

My Pass Through Account

I always need it

                Always want it

                So does everybody else

                There’s only so much

                I am given

                Where it goes no one can tell

                I try to save it

                Make arrangements

                Plan ahead so I don’t waste it

                I Guard it closely

                Check it often

                It never lasts I have to face it

                Although precious

                Try to share it

                It makes a special gift I find

                I long for more

                But can regret it

                Wishing it away at times

                All I know is

                I won’t need it

                When eternity is mine

                So I’ll try to

                Spend it wisely

                And make the best of all – My time

Finding God in Strange Places

When I was 26 years old I found myself suddenly widowed two weeks after our first child was born.  Legal complications forced me to sell our home. From the minute the funeral ended I was busy packing and showing the property.  The sale came quickly and I moved back to Illinois to be near family.

Back home I walked around in a daze.  The people and places were familiar but I didn’t feel like I belonged there.  I struggled to get back on my feet while learning to be a parent.  Eventually the shock started to wear off and I began to experience a frightening loss of control over my emotions.  Thankfully my daughter’s pediatrician recognized that I was near the breaking point and recommended that I get some counseling.

 The counselor asked up front whether or not I held any particular religious beliefs because working in secular agency he could not talk about religion unless I wanted to.  I told him no because I had stopped going to church before I got married and hadn’t thought about God or the faith I was raised in for a long time.  For the next few months it seemed as though all I did was cry and all he did was listen.  Rivers of grief, fear and anger poured out and I began to find myself again with his help. 

He was always upbeat, understanding and kind.  His family stopped by the office now and then when I was waiting for an appointment.  They were all so happy and loving they didn’t seem real.  One day I asked him if he was an atheist because of all of the pain and suffering he dealt with every day.  Since I brought up religion he was free to tell me everything that he knew about God. He told me that he totally depended on Him not only to deal with the pain he encountered but for everything in his life.  He wasn’t preaching just telling me as a matter of fact that God was real and always there to help.

I went home that night and talked to a God that I wasn’t sure I even believed existed. I told Him that if He was real that I wanted what that counselor and his family had.  Knowing that I hadn’t always lived in a way that He would approve of, I asked Him if I could be included in the forgiveness that I was told He died to give me.  It wasn’t a very eloquent prayer and there wasn’t much faith to back it up, but there was hope.  The hope of a life that offered joy and peace in the middle of a world full of pain and turmoil and constant help for whatever lay ahead.  If that is what you hope for and you want to know if He is real, just ask Him.  His answer will change your life.

Girl Meets World

Thirty years ago today my daughter made her very 1^st decision in life.  She wanted out!  She had provided me with subtle hints all day but once she decided the whole process was wrapped up in a couple of hours.  It was a quick and efficient arrival just after midnight on a snowy Colorado night.

The doctors underestimated her determination. They sent her father home telling him that she would not arrive until the next day, only to have to call him back an hour later.  I will never forget his booming voice getting closer and louder as he ran through the quiet halls of the hospital trying to reach the delivery room on time.  She was already robed in pink and crowned with a knit cap by the time he reached us.  She held court for the 1^st time as her father’s little princess and ruled his heart from that moment on.

She is beautiful, unique, creative and intelligent.  She loves openly and without prejudice, demands justice and leads naturally when called upon.  You don’t have to believe me, I am her mother after all, but even if I wasn’t I would want to be her friend.

Peace and Quiet and Other Myths

                It was a terribly emotional morning.  In fact I was shifting emotions like a truck driver shifts gears. Going through pride, fear, joy, sadness, doubt, and finally settling on guilt. I felt guilty because I couldn’t wait for this day to come.  It was my daughters first day of school.  Not just Pre-school or kindergarten but gone all day, 5 days a week 1^st grade.   I know how that sounds but as a single parent it meant that I could now get a full time job and start to focus on myself again.  Then she walked down the sidewalk and into the school doors and I shifted back to sadness once again.

                When I got back home I wandered around the house for a while not knowing what to do first.  There was no-one to watch me and ask a thousand questions about what I was doing, I could watch something besides Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers and eat whatever I wanted for lunch.  I settled on finishing the book that I had been trying to read before I went to bed every night. It was amazing to complete a whole chapter without falling asleep or being interrupted.

                Half way through the second chapter the phone rang.  It was the school nurse.  I was so scared that I could hardly hear what she was saying.  We had only been apart for 1 hour.  My daughter’s fingers had been caught in the bathroom door and I could hear her crying in the background.  Suddenly all I wanted was to keep her home with me.  A few minutes of peace and quiet was not worth the risk of her being without me when she was hurt or afraid.  By the time I got to school she was on the playground running around with a big smile on her face.  My first day of peace and quiet left me exhausted and emotionally confused. A perfect example of what my life as a parent would be like for the next 12 years. 

Sky Lights

Silken shafts of light

Unhindered by the clouds

Reaching to the earth

Descend without a sound

Light within the light

Illuminates the ground

Moving without wind

Seeking without bounds

Suddenly dissolve

Only warmth remains

Like the fingertips of God

Touching earth again

A Rare Occasion or Oh Lucy III

 The head cook on the guest ranch I worked on was in her 70’s and planning to retire. As her apprentice I learned to cook family style for 110.  My final exam was cooking Sunday night dinner for the new guests.  The menu was always roast beef, baked potatoes, green beans, fresh baked rolls and homemade cherry pie.  It was the most important meal of the week and when I proved that I could serve it successfully I became the head cook.  

The baker and I spent almost all day in the kitchen on Sundays cooking breakfast and lunch for the staff and preparing for dinner.  When the pies were cooling, the rolls were rising and the roasts and potatoes were in the ovens, we finally got a much needed break.  I knew something had gone terribly wrong one Sunday evening when I went back to the kitchen.  The room felt cold and there was no delicious smell of roasting meat coming from the ovens. I forgot to turn them on when I put the roasts in.

Just then the ranch owner came in to check on dinner.  He stopped short then started flinging open the oven doors and pulling the raw roasts out.  He yelled for me to bring him the large knife and turn the ovens on as high as they could go. Slicing the roasts in half he threw them back in the ovens and told me to cut the time on the potatoes before he slammed out the door.  Everyone had a choice between well done and rare meat and the potatoes were a combination of crunchy and mushy. If it wasn’t for the fact that our baker made the best homemade rolls and cherry pies in the world the entire meal would have been a disaster.  The owner apologized to the new guests and explained that there had been a problem with the ovens allowing me to save face during the staff introductions after dinner. He never said anything to me about what happened and I never left the kitchen after the roasts went in again.

Open

We should open our ears when we pray
And listen to the crys of the lost and unsaved
And the sound of His Spirit leading the way
We should open our ears when we pray

If we opened our eyes when we prayed
Would someone turn away from a judgemental gaze
or see His love and be amazed
If we opened our eyes when we prayed

We should open our hands when we pray
Giving to God's not a bill to pay
if all that someone has is taken away
We have more to give them then just our prayers
We should open our hands when we pray

We should open our hearts when we pray
And in faith let Him in all the way
giving all to be free
as He wants us to be
We should open our hearts when we pray

Cold Hard Cash

As a babysitter I loved New Year’s Eve.  It was good money and not just because of the long hours. My regular families liked to combine all the kids at one house so they didn’t have to compete for my services. At my regular rate of $1.50 an hour, I could earn a whopping $20.00.  

One year, three of my regular families combined their six kids to attend a large event in the city.  It started to snow and they wanted to leave early so they asked if I could come before dinner and feed the kids. They came home at 2:30 a.m. after driving home in what turned out to be a big snowstorm.  They pooled their money and the homeowner then reached into his wallet and handed me a $50.00 bill.  It was the most I had ever earned in one night.  As one of the parents was driving me home I reached for the money and realized that it was gone.  I started frantically searching all my pockets and the he asked what was wrong.  I told him I couldn’t find the $50.00 bill.  He reassured me that it had probably fallen out of my pocket when I put my coat on and he would find it when he went back.  When he dropped me off he replaced the money from his own wallet and said not to worry about it. 

A few weeks later I babysat at that home again and asked if they had ever found the money.  I felt terrible and asked her if she wanted me to pay it back but she said no.  As we were walking out the door she warned me not to slip because it was icy.  I looked down and there, under the ice just beside the porch was my hard earned and very cold cash, perfectly preserved. 

The Scream

               When my daughter was about six we vacationed in a cabin in the woods of Northern Wisconsin.  I was a single parent at the time so I invited some friends to join me with their two little girls.  We spent the days hiking, fishing and canoeing and the nights in front of the fireplace.

                One day the girls were playing outside at the edge of the woods while we prepared lunch.  My friend’s girls flew through the door the minute we called but just as I turned to look for my daughter there was an ear piercing scream from outside.  All three parents were out the door in seconds.  My daughter was standing near the cabin crying and looking over her shoulder towards the woods.  I hugged her and asked what happened.  She said that there was a big black and white animal in the woods and it growled at her.  We described every animal we could think of that might have been in the area from raccoons to bears to beavers.  She knew what they all looked like and insisted that it wasn’t any of them.  After lunch I talked to my friends and everyone agreed that it must have been a large raccoon.  That night we tried to ease her fears by joking that the she probably scared the raccoon do death with that blood curdling scream.  She laughed with us but as I was putting her to bed she looked at me with desperation and told me firmly that it was not a raccoon.  I couldn’t help but believe her but I didn’t have a clue what she had seen.

When we stopped in a rest area on the way home there was a large map of Wisconsin on the wall with pictures of common trees, flowers and wildlife.  My daughter excitedly told me to look at one of the pictures.  At first I didn’t recognize what it was because I had never seen one in real life.  The picture was of a badger and she confirmed that it was the animal that had growled at her.  We were both relieved and wished our friends could be there to see it.  I was proud of her for standing her ground even when no one seemed to believe her and I never forgot that look in her eyes asking me to stand with her.

Not Again

I won’t do it

You can’t make me

Time won’t tell

And I will not see

I’m just fine thanks

Please don’t worry

Haste makes waste

So I don’t hurry

I won’t stop you

Do as you please

There’s no chance

You can’t convince me

Save your breath

It’s not a bad thing

I’ll hold the fort

Keep fires burning

It’s not for me

And never has been

Sneaks up behind

My plans just can’t win

The end result

Life rearranged

Can’t believe I ever longed

For fickle winds of

Change

Surprise - Its Kujo

               My husband surprised us one day by bringing home a litter of puppies from the dog trainer.  She wanted to socialize them by having them around our kids and dogs.  He figured out that I couldn’t resist them once I saw them and he was right.  We enjoyed that same surprise a couple of times.  The puppies only stayed for a few days and everyone loved playing with them.

                One evening when he returned from training he stood at the door and said that he had a surprise.  The kids were all at afterschool activities so I thought I would get the puppies all to myself for a while.  I waited eagerly by the door but when he came back he wasn’t carrying a large box full of puppies.  He had a full grown dog on a leash.  He walked the dog into the house and started explaining that she had been abused by the people who bought her and could not be retrained as a hunting dog because she had become gun shy.  If he hadn’t taken her the trainer was going to put her down. 

The first thing she did as I reached out to pet her was growl, and show her teeth.  That was all it took.  I told him to turn around and take her back because I would not have a dangerous dog around the kids.  The second thing she did probably saved her life.  She dove underneath the kitchen table, crouched down and started to shake with fear.  Her initial greeting wasn’t aggressiveness it was self-defense.  I had never seen a dog so terrified and it broke my heart.  We agreed to put her on probation for a month under my exclusive care so the kids would not be in danger. She would jump and tremble if someone snapped the lid on a jar or make any kind of loud noise.  When she finally allowed me to touch her I made sure to comfort her after anything had frightened her.  Slowly she learned to trust me and would look up at me for assurance instead of hiding and trembling.  We became fast friends and eventually she was a member of the family enjoying affection from everyone and giving it in return.

I know my heart broke for her because I remembered many times when I was afraid and how it caused me to lash out at people and to isolate myself.  She was able to get over her fear when she knew that someone cared for her and would be there to comfort and protect her.  Just as I was able to get over my fears when I realized that God would always be there for me.

When I am afraid, I will trust in You.
Psalm 56:3       

Honey We're Home

               When my daughter was about 3 years old she liked to stand on the couch.  She knew that I did not approve so when I walked into the room she would drop to a sitting position.  There was always a telltale bounce so it was hard for me to keep a straight face as she tried to look innocent.        

                One day when I walked in the room she was standing and staring at the wall behind the couch.  When she heard me come in instead of sitting down she quickly turned around to face me with a guilty look on her face.  I told her to sit down and she hesitated and then slowly slid down the back of the couch.  Instantly I knew why, there was a small hole in the wall. She did not have a toy in her hand so I didn’t know how she did it.  When I asked she said that she just touched it.  The hole was about the size of the tip of one of her fingers.  Suddenly, I saw something insect like poke its head out.  I told her to get off the couch and looked for something to cover the hole and keep the intruder out.  All I had was some packing tape and as I put it over the hole I noticed the wall around it was soft to the touch. I turned off the TV and gently put my ear to the wall.  I couldn’t hear anything at first but when I tapped softly on another part of the wall that felt firm I heard the unmistakable sound of buzzing. It was not just a few bees; the whole wall seemed to vibrate with the sound. 

                It turned out that over the years, honey bees has gotten between the walls and created a giant honeycomb.  We usually had the TV or stereo on so we never heard the buzzing.

We move out almost immediately and heard later that the entire wall had to be removed and professional bee keepers called to relocate the hive.  It was the hard way to learn not to stand on the couch but learn it she did.

Every Moment With Him

Let….

                Every breath we take be prayer

                Every sound we make be praise

                Every choice be to His glory

                Every want to see His face

                Every silence listening for Him

                Every sorrow an offering

                Every joy His grace and blessing

                Every need to Him we bring

                Every step his path to glory

                Every fall in His embrace

                Every life in Him a story

                Of His wondrous love and grace

Circling Winds

The Days begin entombed in ice

Their captive beauty to behold

Frosted works of snow and Ice

Put on display by fearless cold                  

The numbing silence of the days

and howling winds of night

conspire together to delay

The time when sun and earth unite

When the sun scouts out the scene

uneasy air reports the danger

Sending warmth to stake its claim

The charcoal skies explode with anger

Waters rise to join the fight

Breaking through strongholds of ice

Led by sun's unwavering light

Overcoming fields of white

Escaping cold's relentless grasp

               With warmth its new companion

The earth claims victory at last

And re-creates with sweet abandon

Filling sky and earth alike

With colors now on full display

Hiding battle scars from sight

And cheering on the lengthening days

Shining waves of heat appear

A signal from the earth and sun

               Restoration's end is near

               A time of peace and rest has come

               Anticipating shifting winds

               The earth collects its bounty

               Storing treasures deep within

               While distant threats are mounting

               

With A show of colors flaming

Warning all to be aware

Restlessly with time remaining

Giving all it stands prepared

With a warning blast of frost

Cold pushes through to claim its fate

The battle short but all’s not lost

As earth and sun retreat to wait

There is no question of defeat

The circle slowly closing

Lingering memories of the heat

Keep hope alive and growing

The Secret

                Cactus and sagebrush covered most of our property in Northern Colorado.  So when my husband got a part time job at a garden center I was anxious for him to bring home information about what else we could grow.

Instead, the first thing he brought home was a dozen dead roses. At least they looked dead to me.  The garden center was going to toss them out but his boss thought they could be saved if someone wanted to try. I had no idea how to grow healthy roses let alone roses at death’s door.  My husband said not to worry because his boss told him the secret to beautiful roses was to never feed the dead. I was underwhelmed.  I wanted to know how much water, how much light and how to prepare the soil not learn a gardener’s platitude. Depending on my garden books for information, I planted the roses in front of the house.

                After a few weeks, compared to my garden, the cactus and sagebrush looked lush. I knew my books had failed me so I decided to give his platitude a try.  I pruned gently at first but then staying true to the secret I hacked off every dead cane and dried up leaf.  All that remained were a few short, barely green stems with some ugly thorns on them. My husband was shocked by the carnage when he came home and I felt awful.  He took over watering what was left as though protecting them from me.  Then one morning he called me outside.  Every single one of the plants had stretched out at least an inch or two of green stems with brand new leaflets.  In just a matter of weeks they were healthy and blooming.

                It was years later that I realized the ultimate truth of that platitude. After being widowed and then suffering the death of another marriage through divorce, I felt as though there wasn’t very much life left in me. The pain was like a shadow that silently followed me around.  It grew larger after each new loss or failure in my life as I fed it with regrets, anger, bitterness and fear.  At times it loomed so large that it seemed as though it would consume me. Finally there was only one direction in which I could still see a glimmer of light.  I reached out to God and He began to replace the dead hopes and dreams that clung to my life like the dry leaves of the roses.  I felt new hope growing in me and the bitterness and anger beginning to fade.  If you have suffered loss don’t risk feeding the dead.  He is gentle, He is kind and He wants us to grow and flourish. He will change your life into something beautiful and healthy if you let Him do the pruning.

Toast Anyone? or Actions Speak Louder Than Words

              My first home as a newlywed was a double wide trailer parked on six acres in the foothills of the Colorado Rockies.  The first thing my husband did after we moved in was describe the magnificent log home we would someday build on the property.   The second thing he did seemed a little odd at the time.  He spent about twenty minutes talking about fire safety and how mobile homes were tinder boxes that could be consumed by fire in just a few minutes.  I was soon to discover exactly how serious he was about the subject.

 Just a few weeks later I was making breakfast in the kitchen and a small flame shot up from the top of the toaster.  I unplugged it and went on with my business thinking I would have to clean out the crumbs later.  Suddenly another flame jumped up and I realized that something inside it was seriously burning.  I called out in what I thought was a calm voice, that I had a small fire in the kitchen.  Before I could say or do anything else he was there.  He had made it across half the length of the trailer in just a few seconds.

                Without saying a word he grabbed the toaster by the cord, threw open the door and stepped out onto the cement slab that was our temporary patio.  He swung it around his head like a lasso and then smashed it onto the cement and into a thousand pieces.  Walking back in the house with no hint of emotion in his voice he said, “Fires out” and went back into the living room.  I stood stunned trying to figure out what had just happened.

He came back into the kitchen a few minutes later with a sheepish look on his face. Apologizing he told me he would clean up the mess outside after breakfast.  If I hadn’t listened to his speech about fire safety the message sent by the flying toaster came through loud and clear.  He never had to say or smash another thing.

How Do You Steer This Thing

                The first time I was allowed to visit a friend’s farm my Dad made it clear that I was not to ride or even go near the horses without an adult present.
               The minute I got there we headed toward the barn as though we were on a mission. My friend told me her parents were busy so I had to tell her about my Dad's warning. After a brief discussion we found just enough justification to keep going.  She set a wooden crate down next to a large white horse and told me to get on.  She was up on the other horse within seconds telling me not to worry because my horse would follow hers and we would just walk. Did I mention we were riding bare back? It sounded like a good idea at the time but it was uncomfortable and I was unable to straddle the wide animal enough to stay centered.  We had to go around an old wagon that had grass on one side and a large mud puddle on the other.  My friend walked her horse right through the mud.  I don’t know if it was because my horse was white or if I was afraid it would get stuck like an old sedan but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It wasn’t much of an argument because as hard as I tugged, begged and leaned my horse just kept on following hers but, unfortunately, I didn’t. 

It was more of a slide than a fall and nothing was broken but I had done enough damage to warrant a trip to the doctor.  There was no contest between the pain in my shoulder and the pain of having to call my dad to pick me up.  They say mothers are psychic.  He never even asked what happened he knew the minute I called.  The obvious physical pain I was in did manage to soften his anger, but I could tell the sympathy ended way before the disappointment.   My friend moved away about a year later and in all that time I never had the nerve to ask my dad to let me visit the farm again.  Some dreams are best left to the imagination at least for the time being.

               

Drumbeat

My life had a rhythm

Though my song was discordant

The cadence was clear

To my days quite important

I beat my own drum

My rhythm was the music

The constant of time

Drowned out the confusion

When the music ceased to play

My beat echoed starkly

Unable to lead or

Determine my heartbeat

The silence consumed me

All rhythm was lost

I tried other songs

Without counting the cost

Then one day I heard it

A strong steady beat

The song that it led was

Alluring and sweet

The strains rose and fell

With the time that it kept

The cadence so perfect

I fell in effortless step

Toward a joining of heartbeats

And a harmony sublime

He offered His lifelong

And now it is mine

Up Close and Personal

    Have you ever smacked into a wall

    And been embarrassed and appalled

    Dividing your space into spaces

    It was there all along after all

                Offering passage through doorways

                Protecting from heat and from cold

                Holding up pictures and bookshelves

                Framing windows with views to behold

                Day after day we go past them
                Without giving them much of a thought

                Until we don’t watch where we're going
                then with a sharp pain we are taught

                The least we can do is avoid them

                Remembering their place in our lives
                Stay within hallways between them

                And after dark turn on a light

                They’re there for some very good reasons

                They’re not moving anytime soon

                We should keep our eyes open and heads up

                When we enter or leave any room

                If that seems quite silly and obvious

                Forget that I said anything

                Until the next time you misjudge one
                Then let me know what you think

Cats In A Box or Please Don't Try This At Home

Some dear friends asked me to house and pet sit while they were on vacation.  They had three beautiful cats with wonderful personalities and I wanted to photograph them as a Christmas gift.  The cats didn’t seem to mind my trying to arrange them in a group over and over again.  They just didn’t seem to understand the purpose and disassembled themselves after two or three seconds before I could frame a good shot.   The few times they stayed together they refused to look directly at the camera, at least all at the same time.  I knew if I wanted a picture developed and framed before my friends returned that I would have to come up with something fast.

There was a tall, narrow box waiting to go out with the trash and the thought struck me that it was just big enough for 3 cats to sit in comfortably.  If all went well, I would be able to get a good shot looking down into the box from above.  I carefully placed each cat inside then climbed on a chair next to it so it would look as though I was facing them at a normal angle.  Everything was working perfectly.  The cats were all staring up at the opening at the top with wide eyed wonder.

I am not sure what happened next.  All I know is someone hissed and the three beautiful faces in the bottom of the box became a writhing, hissing, screaming ball of fur.  I screamed too as I imagined my friend’s faces when they came home to 3 bloodied cats.  I knocked the box over hoping they would sort themselves out but that only confused them more.  I finally had to pick the box up and pour them out onto the floor still a tangled mess of heads, paws and tails.  Thankfully they scattered in different directions.  There were no injuries and I did get a good shot but take it from me, don’t try this at home.

Mid-Life Crisis

I’m shouting from the inside out

Not sure what this is all about

I’m getting older but feel younger

Still longing for things I’ve dreamed about

I can’t help feeling this is all there is

Because of opportunities missed

Trying hard not to regret

To come to terms and to forget

The time I’ve wasted

Mistakes I’ve made

The places I’ve left

When I should have stayed

Did I have my chance

Is it over now

Can I use what I’ve learned

Or will time win out

I cried to You Lord

And the answers came

The price for my past has already been paid

The young that I feel and Your mercies new

Mean another day to soar with You

Above it all regrets and sorrow

The promised hope of new tomorrows

Please lift me to those eagle’s wings

So close to you my heart will sing

Of victories won and truths revealed

Of steadfast love and wounds You’ve healed

Then set me down on the path you chose

To guide me home and make me whole

Them

They started so small we could hardly see

What they became happened gradually

But in time they overwhelmed

Blending together so we couldn’t tell

Hanging around our activities

They took what they needed to grow and we

took them for granted as we lived our lives

Enjoying their presence as the days went by

When suddenly they began to change

Each one was different but somehow the same

Then overnight the darkness came

The wind grew cold and then the rain

At first they danced as if with glee

To celebrate a victory

Then filling the air with a swirling sea

Of color and sound they fell at our feet – leaves.

A Friend Forever

                I can’t remember exactly when Monty came to us.  It seemed like he was always just there.  We didn’t name him. Monty was the name on his tag. He was a very soft peach color with big eyes and floppy ears.  Not very big, he was only about 6 inches tall.  Some children have blankets or teddy bears but my daughter had Monty the stuffed rabbit.

                To say that he went everywhere she did would be an understatement.  She hardly ever let go of his ear, even when she was eating.  If she liked you she would hold him out like a scepter allowing you to pet his head.  If she didn’t take to you she would roll him tightly into her arm.  Even people around town knew him by name. The lady at the post office would always ask my daughter how he was.  Because she did, she was granted the rare privilege of holding him herself.

                As my daughter got older she still brought him everywhere but letting go of his ear she would place him strategically within eyesight.  That worked fine until the day she left him 2 hours away at a doctor’s office.  We could not return to pick him up for two whole weeks and that is all we talked about for two weeks.
                One day Monty just disappeared.  We could not find him no matter how many times we retraced our steps.  Desperate, I searched for an identical rabbit to replace him.  It turned out that he was a limited edition and without the aid of the internet in those days I could not find his twin.  I brought home another bunny with stand-up ears and a cute little T-shirt but feared he would be totally rejected.  She welcomed him half-heartedly but soon he became a constant companion.  She even called him Monty 2 and 27 years later he is still in her possession.  I don’t think he ever really replaced Monty in her heart but was accepted as a reminder of their adventures together.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time, Bad Idea

Working on a Dude Ranch in the Colorado Rockies was exciting enough for a girl from the flatlands of Illinois, but I wanted to make the most of my time there.  Deciding to hike to the highest point on the ranch, I asked for tips from more experienced mountain hikers.  They made it very clear that I needed to stay on the trail and be back before dark.  Following their advice I packed plenty of water, an emergency kit, my lunch, and my camera and set off early in the morning. 

 Most of the hike was through tall pine forests and sun filtered aspen groves.  After several hours the trail opened up into a beautiful high meadow with wild flowers and a mountain stream.  There was a large flat outcropping of rock over the stream at the far edge of the meadow.  Thinking that it wasn’t that far off the trail, I decided to sit in the shade under the rock shelf to eat my lunch before continuing to the top.  The sound of the water echoed off the rocks and I almost fell asleep.  Staying there too long I had to hurry to reach the top with just enough time to take a few pictures before heading back.  I reached the lodge just as dusk was turning to dark, exhausted but thrilled to have conquered my first objective successfully.

There was some excited conversation coming from the lodge porch and I asked what was going on.  Apparently, a mountain lion had been spotted by a guest on one of the late trail rides.  A ranch hand said that it was probably old Hank.  When someone asked if he was dangerous he explained that Hank spent most of his time in his den in the high meadow or sunning himself on the top of Table Rock.  He added that the trail rides never went up that high and the only way to get there was by the foot trail that led to the top of the ridge.   I was about to ask for a more specific description of Table Rock but decided I didn’t really want to know.

Awakening

They said You were a loving God

Beyond all myth and measure

Your grace and mercy freely given

Was man kinds greatest treasure

I’d known of You since just a child

I’d often heard the story

Of how You suffered and You died

Then rose again in glory

I was not at the cross or tomb

I never heard You speak

How could I really know you Lord

And feel Your love for me

My faith had been obedience

To rules and regulations

Traditions and security

Without hope or expectation

I longed for the reality

of being close to You

To hear Your voice amidst the noise

And know that it was really You

To ask the questions of my heart

To run to You in pain

To see You move within my life

And hear You call my name

I prayed for help to know Your grace

And through it to believe

To find the truth beyond the stories

That would truly set me free

And as I spoke that prayer to You

My eyes welled up with tears

Because I knew You’d been their Lord

Waiting all those years

You paved the way and shined a light

Through the darkness of my life

That led me to this place and time

Drawn by Your love and not your might